thursday apr 30

today was a stressful day but non eventful nothing changed really . all we did is wait and pray wait and pray . i think waiting is the most stressful part. today logan and jordan came and saw the life therapist then we took them into see devyn they were so sad .its such a hard thing to deal with watching your children emotionally and physiclly hurt and know there is nothng you can do to fix it i feel like im watching my family crumble and theres nothing i can do ...usually im the mrs fix it or the strong one and i just dont have any left i just cant fix this .its so hard ...every thought or question in my head starts or ends with why. why why why .....

i went home tonight because i felt that jordan and logan needed me . i was in the kicthen cleaning up and the phone rang it was a faimly friend so we started to talk i was updating her on devyn . i happen to look up and noticed my back door that leads to the pool was opened i paniced i droped the phone and started crying i paniced i ran out side and when i got to the back porch they were peacefully playing ... i then relized that i have a 5 ft safety fence around my whole pool . how did something like this happen to someone who took all the safety procedures how did this happen

i had to sit and take a min to myself to calm down i started reading some of the comments people have left me and i came across this saying that someone wrote and i couldnt help but smile ...so i wanted to share it

life is to short to wake up with regrets
so love the people who treat you right
forget about the ones who dont
believe everything happens for a reason
and if you get a second chance grab it with both hands
if it changes you life let it
nobody said life would be easy
they just promised it would all be worth it


i thank you for writing that it refilled some of my hope meter...lol...it was a little low

thank you all for your support i might write a little later but i might go to sleep not really sure

this is a poem from my uncle and i would like to share it

To Devyn with Love,

When we are born, the sand starts to flow

How much is in the Glass, only God will know!

You lay there so Peaceful, none of us understand!

How God could let this happen,

To such a special little Man!

Our Faith & Hope will always press on,

The Lord is with You, that I feel Strong!

If you make it through this toughest part of the Fight!

You will always make people smile and be a world of Delight!

If the Lord takes you and sets your soul Free!

That is his decision and that is what it will be!

Either way!

Matthew 18 makes it clear as Bell to Me,

God has your little Hand, it's so simple to See!

I Love You Little Guy!

Uncle Mitch

Matt 18

“ Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become a Child, you will by No means enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever Humbles himself as this little Child is the Greatest in The Kingdom of Heaven. “

1 step foward 2 steps back

today is Wednesday April 29 i just wanted to update everyone on devyns progress this morning they decided to take out the breathing tube he was breathing on his own from 830 am to about 4 pm we were so happy but they had to put the tube back .they say this is normal . i say my baby is a fighter and this tube is going to come out again...i guess were going to try on friday thank you all for your prayers i truly believe that its helping . i am not sure why this happened to my angel but i do believe that god only gives you what you can handle and maybe he knows that my baby was the only one that could prove them doctors wrong . me and joe are going through a lot right now we are physiclly and emotionally drained but were far from giving up and i hope you all are too....if god chosses not to answer my prayers maybe he wil grant one of yours so please please pray for my baby ...im really tired and really drained so this has got to be short but its an update and i will keep you all posted

important day

today is wen the 29 of april i cant write much just that this is a really big day we need more prayers then ever ...i will write later please
pray every free second you have

my sweetest angel


well 2:20 in the morning and im wide awake , i have great news me and daddy were reading books to you and you lifted your right arm . the nurse seen it to and she says thats a great sign . daddy just kept reading and reading nana was there they both were grinning ear to ear ill i could do is cry but not sad tears the best tears ever HAPPYTEARS also (i dont know if your gonna like this part) the nurse was doing some kind of test where she pinches the tip of your finger real hard and before you could barely pull away but now you look like your gonna karate kick the nurse ....lol.....that was a great feeling !!!!!!!!your nurse for the last couple nights name is jennifer she is terrific you can really tell she cares about you but then again how could you not your a stud !!! this other family that has been in the waiting room with us have been great their little boy had open heart surgery and he is getting bigger and stronger every day . i have a feeling you will be meeting jace (kristy and aarons son) as soon as you get better . i cant believe im not sleepy its un real i wish i could go to bed im going to try to eat so ill write some more tomorrow i love you baby boy i kive you so very much . i cant wait to see you smile keep holding gods ahnd baby he is going to make sure your safe
i love you
mommy

later in the night .....

well its 930 i tried laying down but im finding its almost impossible .im so grateful for all the support we are receiving i never realized how much my friends and family cared about us . i have got to tell you this is the hardest thing that ive ever been through i have so many mixed up feelings its so hard to explain this is almost to real it kinda feels like a dream . i would never wish this pain on anyone .

jordan and logan and joey come home tomorrow im really excited to see them. i just want to hug them and squeeze them and tell them over and over again how much i love them . i want them to have no doubt in there mind about how special they are to us . we are so grateful to have them i cant even say that enough .

another thing i wanted to share is the support ive been getting from joe he is the most amazing man i have ever met he is so supportive . i know he is hurting too but he is trying to be so strong for me . i never relized exactly how lucky i was but boy do i know now i love him so very much and i know that we can make it through this together .

i know that this entry is a little crazy..lol...but i just thought it was important to let people know how greatful we are for all there prayers.]

again thanks everyone and dont forget god is holding my babys hand and he is gonna bring him back to us keep up the prayers and the faith if you want to leave comments on here feel free or if youd like to write a letter to devyn me or joe feel free i know this is hard for everyone so if it makes you feel better do it...lol...

i love you all and again thank you all

Update to our friends/family- April 27, 2009

April 27th, 2009

This morning we woke up and neroligist was here. He examined Devyn and told us that his eyes looked better, but he is still showing signs of severe brain damage. Once he left, the doctor came in and said that they put in for another EEG ( for seizures in the brain). They did the tests but we do not have the results yet. Possibly tomorrow? Devyn is the same as yesterday. he has opened his eyes a lot more. Joe says he is responding to him a lot more, but because it is not repetitive it does not mean anything, according to the doctors. They did another catscan on the brain as well and they are saying that the lower part of the brain is swollen. They cannot say how much it is affecting Devyn right now. Things can change daily, so the scan cannot accuratly tell us how much it is affecting him. They also said they do have to go by his examination rather than going by catscan, because there is nothing more accurate than his activity. According to the exam, everything he is doing is from the lower part of the brain. Today they began him on steroids to open up his pathways for air. We are going to sit down tomorrow and go over pros and cons on attempting to remove the breathing tube. Tomorow is going to be so hard, but could end up being so good. Every is another step to getting better, and Devyn being closer to recovery. They didnt give a time, but between 4 and 5 in the morning tomorrow they will stop feeding little Devyn. They didnt go over much today about the pros and cons, but he does want to wait until tomorrow to see if he gets better or worse. He does not want to give us false hope. He will be able to give us better judgement tomorrow. Our pastor came today and said prayers again. I got very sick today from lack of eating and stress.

Devyn is taking 55 breaths per minute, the machine is giving him 8 additional. He is not missing any breaths at this point.

Joey went back to school today. He went right to the counciling center, and then to class. He seems to be doing better, for today anyway. All we can do is keep him on a positive track.

Please keep praying for Devyn. May God be holding his hand.

Day four- Dear angel Devyn...

So today is April 26th, Sunday.

My sweet angel,

day four. here you are. Sleeping like an angel. This morning when we woke up you were more alert than ever. You responded to our song again, and you are trying to talk. ( The docs say you are just trying to push the tube out) But I think it looks like you are trying to talk to me. I know you are coming back, everyone has faith in you. We are waiting for the doc to come in so I will write more after that....

Mommy loves you Devyn. So does Daddy. The doctor seems very positive today. He says that time will tell all. Only you will be able to determine how far you can go. You are a stubborn little boogie, you keep trying to get the tube out of your mouth. Daddy and I decided that the kids are going back to school on Tuesday. I think that it is important to get back into our routine. You know mommy and her schedules, LOL. We are going to run to the store to get you some special lip balm, your lips are a little chapped ( well, a lot chapped). Their stuff is not good enough for my baby.

There, now your lips look 100% better. You are having a hard time sleeping. I dont blame you, so is mommy. I am so tired but I do not want to miss a beat. I don't want to miss anything. It is 4 in the morning and I am still watching you sleep like an angel. The nurse just came in and told me I have to lay down. The doctor told daddy and I that we are not allowed to stay anymore. That we have to take shifts and go home. I am going to try. I love you, my baby. Keep holding Gods hand.

Until tomorrow, Mommy
Todays word is HOPE

Day Three 4-25-09 Day three Dear Dev

My love,

Last night was great. You had the best nurse named Jill. She has faith in you just like mommy and daddy do. She was great! I slept better knowing that she was there. Your vitals are great and you didnt have any seizures like last night. They took you off of some of the medications and they are finally going to feed you. I know you are starving, these are all great signs. I am so very proud of you, you are so very strong. You are going to gt through this. Today you are only taking 8 breaths from the machine which is great! We're waiting for the doctor to come in and review all of the tests and information they collected. Also, there is a rock garden downstairs and a bunch of rocks have names and prayers on them. Mommy found the biggest one and put your name on it. Thenm the rest of the family wrote a bunch of little ones for you. You should see how many are there for you.

Well, the doctor just came in and informed us how bad off you can be. She said you wont walk to talk, but I know you will. It may take time but I will get you there. Our family will get you there. I am just holding on to the positive things and we will deal with the rest when it comes. I miss your brothers, I am on my way to see Uncle Justin. He is having a hard time with this and I want him to get back into a positive light for you. We also might stop by Papa's house to see the boys. Not sure if I can handle that yet. Devyn I feel numb without you. I need you to find the strength to come back to me. I miss you.

Well, I saw Unlce Justin and he sends his love. I did not go see the boys because I need and want to save all o fmy energy for you tonight. The nurse said that we can give you a bath and I think you might like that. Hopefully that helps you feel better.

We gave you a bath and I WAS RIGHT, You did everything the mean doctor said you wouldnt do! You gagged on the tube, you opened an eye, and you looked at us. You were moving and pushing your legs, you coughed, and you squeezed my hand. You did a wonderful job, I am so proud of you. Daddy is bouncing off the walls, he is so thrilled. He is smiling from ear to ear! We all love you so much! again the nurses are so great I am really happy you are at this hospital. Only the best for my baby boy! You had a lot of visitors today, and now you are resting. That is what's best for you right now. I am so tired, I think I finally might be able to get some rest knowing you are getting there! Mommy loves you my sweet boy. Keep holding Gods hand, you are safe with him Devyn.

Love,
Mommy

To my sweet son Devyn- 4-24-2009 -day two

April 24th 2009
Day Two

Dev Dev,

Today is the second day in the hospital. You seem to b doing much better. your color to me seems to be doing 100% better. You opened one eye when daddy was talking to you, he got so excited. Your breathing 57 breaths per minute and only 12 of them from the machine which is great! I know you will prove them wrong. I know you are going to wake up Devyn. God is holding your little hand, leading you back to me. Bubba Joey came to visit you. He was so happy to see you. I know you two will forever have a bond. He is your savior. Today your visitors were Erin, Aunt Janine, Caeron, Brittany, Meme, Grandpa Ron, Unlce Mitch, Nannas friends Kerri, Kayla, and Kathy, nanna Anne and nanny. Aunt Joanne and Oscar, Carol, Lauren. You have so many peopl who love you and who are pulling for you. Oh yeah, pastor Eddie came today and prayed with us and I know that it helped. I am going to try and sleep, it's 10:35 pm. If I cant sleep I will write some more. I LOVE you....okayso I can't sleep and I really don't know what time it is sitting here thinking about the day this all happened. You had just learned how to plug your nose and jump in the deep end. With Joey you were so proud of yourself you had the biggest smile. You looked as if you couldn't believe you did it. It made me chuckle. You always make me chuckle. You are on of a kind, that's for sure. I want you so badly to just open your eyes and look at me. I miss you so so so much. I want you to know I am sorry for not protecting you from this. And I promise when you get better that I will never ever leave your side again. I LOVE you, and so does daddy and all your brothers. We miss you, night night-

Mommy xxoo

Skipping to today

Today is April 26,2009 and it is 2:09 PM. I want to go ahead and skip to today, if you don't mind. We can talk about what happened on the 23rd of April, later.

The nurse woke me up at 1:45am in the morning. That is because his eyes were opening. Her name is nurse Jill. She woke me up to tell me his eyes had opened, and I guess I shouldn't tell you that I slapped Joe to wake him up, but I did. We held his hands and began talking to him for about an hour until about 2:45 in the morning.

Wait, let's backtrack. I want to talk about what the doctor told me yesterday. She said that the chances of him recovering are very low, actually that he WILL NOT recover at all, but he will be ALIVE. That he will be alive but will be a living vegetable... and "he will never be your baby again and when he opens his eyes he will not see you, wont recognise you, he may never walk again, may never talk again, and he will need a tracheotomy" (told us his gag reflex was not working and the mucus could drown him therefore the tracheotomy will clear it out). She had horrible bedside manor and pretty much told Joe and I that our son Devyn will never recover.

Back to today, back to 2:45 AM. At this point, nurse Jill thinks that he was HEARING us, but that his eyes were only opening because of nerve reaction. The eyes were fluttering more than open. She then placed her hand on his belly and told him that everything was okay. His eyes then popped wide open and he followed her with his eyes. His pupils are no longer at a pin point. Throughout the day I have been holding his hands, talking to him, and singing this song that I have been singing to him since he was born. He is reacting to me. He has opened his eyes several times. It is still a critical time, and we must not stimulate him too much at this point, but I am extremely hopeful.

They are going to fit Devyn's feet today for Hightops to keep the footdrop from occurring. They are going to have to make special shoes because the hightops we bought him did not work. Joey, our 12 year old came to see him today. Joey is he one who saved Devyn's life. He pulled him out of the water. I have to stop and say that most adults wouldn't have reacted that fast. Most people would go into shock. He told us today that he is happy everyone is praising his heroism today, but that he cannot stop thinking about what actually happened. He doesn't ever want to swim again. He feels so guilty. Joe and I have told him over and over how much of a hero he is. In mass this morning, they pulled him up and everyone praised him for how heroic he is. I can only hope and pray that he gains the strength to know how heroic he really is.

Devyn is sleeping now, they no longer have him sedated, but they do have a lot of medication in him. He is still on life support, but is breathing on his own. It is giving him 8 breaths per minute, but as the 8 breaths occur, he is breathing on his own as well. Therefore, he was on life support 100% and now he is just using it as a supplement. His oxygen is also down to 21% and was at 100%. They are keeping it on him just to make sure that his blood is carrying enough oxygen throughout his body and to his brain. They said it is going to take a lot of medicine and a lot of time. Dr Riggs (the nice doctor) came in today (on his day off) and said that he is doing a lot better. He said it very clear and loud, and I believe him..

"The only one who is going to show us what he can do is him"

Today's word is Faith.

Until tonight,

Nikki (& Joe) Costanzo