busy weekend

well we actually really had a good weekend . Friday joey came home we missed him so much the boys did to they ran up to him and followed him around all night...it was cute and good to have all the boys home we haven't laughed like that in awhile. it felt good. Saturday i went to my best friend Cheryls baby shower. that was really hard but i know that i needed to be there . i had a good time just a little emotional i guess...i am so happy for her but at the same time watching her baby come into the world just as mine left is hard i only cried 4 times and she only saw me once ...lol....so i think i did pretty well. saturday night all of us went to my grandmothers and had dinner . it was nice the boys had fun and so did me and joe it was nice to get out of the house. sunday we went to church and then to my dads for dinner and that was nice as well ...i got into a conversation with my grandmother and i told her that i felt him with me (she knew what i meant) it was great to know i wasnt crazy and i believe it brought us closer together. she made me feel like it was okay to beleive devyn is still with me ...i felt at ease i guess joe was there too he said he hears his voice sometimes ...i wish i could ...he had never told me that so i was a little suprised..sometimes at night i sit there looking at my bedroom door and just stair waiting for him to sneak in and crawl into bed like he used to .... i just cant help it . i miss him so much those baby blues and that grin but most of all i miss his smell i know thats weird but i do when he was in the hospital he didnt smell the same as when he was home so thats the first thing that was taken from me .... i love him so much ... well here i go with the tears so im gonna try to lay down ...if i cant sleep ill write more

thanks for praying for our family

Devyn's Yard sale/Bake sale

a pretty normal day

today was an okay day ...less tears... last night i couldn't sleep much i just kept thinking he was there with me i know that sounds weird trust me i know ...but it doesn't help that im addicted to those ghost shows ...so i cant help but wonder what if he is here ..what would he say to me? what would he do ? would i be able to smell his baby smell?..... .its truly a weird feeling me and joe are doing alot better trying to work more as a team ...more then ever before we are so grateful for each other ...weve relized that you really shouldnt sweat the small stuff ....its a waist of time . the funeral home called today to let us know that we could pick devyn up (i know that sounds wierd) but thats how joe said it ...we actually got a little excited but then remembered he really isnt coming home ...its so hard to grasp that our baby isnt coming home ....its unreal like ive said before its like were living in a dream and we cant wake up ...im trying so hard to keep it together for my kids and for joe but each day i feel weaker like a wall is coming down ...its not really a good feeling because i feel like im falling apart slowly. but i guess any emotion is good emotion . its so funny to me that my family used to call me supermom ....havent heard that recently ...not that i expected it ...shouldnt a supermom have super powers? i want them so i can bring him back just one more time just so i can tell him that i was sorry for not pertecting him ...and that i love him so much ....so so much i just miss him ...i wish i could say that i dont feel the blame but i do ...it was my job ...what the hell? omg i wish i could just scream i feel so many things my body is in over load ...i know that this probably makes no since at all ...i just needed to get it out

thanks for listening

TUESDAY MAY 26 2009

Please let me start off by saying im sorry for not updating earlier. the days just seem to slip away ...the boys have been going to school and seem to be okay they have there moments just like me and joe . last night logan was asking for devyn and i told him he was sick and had to go to heaven he started crying and telling me no mommy no its almost like he thought i could go get him ...that was so hard all i could do was hold him and cry . this morning after we dropped the kids off we went and shopped a little we were at this fruit stand and this man came up..... and i swear this is so true....he put his hand on my shoulder and told me god told him of our sorrow at this point me and joe just look at each other and tears start running down our faces ....then the man said that "he" wanted you to know he was okay ...me and joe went home and just sat there i think a little confused maybe unsure of what to think . i wish i could just talk to him one more time just to make sure he was okay . we miss him so much its so hard just to move forward with out him i keep looking at his picture over and over again i dont want to forget anything about him . i feel like im dreaming and i just want to wake up . i have to clean up from dinner but ill try to write more later

nikki

A million times I needed you. A million times I have cried. If love alone could have saved you, You would have never died. In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you still. In my heart you hold a special place,That none will ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you did not go alone. For all my love went with you The day God called you home.

Gone but not forgotten, We love you Devyn!!!
Titi

Devyn's Service- please read.

In lieu of many flowers, the family requests contributions towards Devyn's final expenses. You may send into the Paypal account set up on this site, or you can send something to the family at 610 maple pointe drive seffner fl 33584 written out to Nicole and Joe Costanzo. They have set up an account in Devyn's name which will be used towards all of the expenses. We appreciate all of the love and support you are giving. May God be with you all.

Love,
Brittany

Dylan, Logan, Jordan, and Joey

Hi there again, this is Brittany, NIkki's cousin. We ( Erin and I) had the boys last night.. watching Dylan, Logan, and Jordan. I wanted to update everyone on their progress, because I know a lot of you are asking. Dylan is his happy self.. smiling and carrying on a life of joy around us. He is so playful, and a huge ball of energy. Very loving and a little model. Loves to pose and take photos. Watch out folks, this one is going to be a spokesmodel for something on day. Logan is our sweet sunshine boy. He is super affectionate and sanguine. Of course, a lot of energy as well. He has been hugging his brothers all night long and giving them BIG kisses. Jordan has been talking a lot about Devyn, and is missing him dearly. He drew a picture with Aunt Erin last night for Devyn and told me that he plans on giving it to him so that he remembers him forever. Jordan is one energetic ball of energy as well. He is VERY intelligent in all ways. One ahead of anyone and everyone. He will be very strong for his family, as he is already. Joey was not here last night, but is such a sweet boy and also very loving. Joey is the type to give his shirt off of his back, even as a child. Nikki and Joe have all four boys in a life counseling service and are doing the best they can as parents to help them understand. The boys have a LOT of love around them and A LOT of love to give. Anyhow, we just wanted to give you all an update letting you know how well they are doing. Please keep them in your prayers and positive thoughts.