So I have been sitting here for hours upon hours trying to write out how I am feeling and I just cannot find the right words. One second you have so much hope, and the next it is torn by the hard reality. Upon consulting with the doctors yesterday, we were told that Devyn, if he were to be mechanically kept alive, would be in pain for the rest of his life and he would not recover in any way. He does not have enough brain activity to live on his own. Joe and I do not feel that keeping him on mechanics would be the best decision for Devyn. I do not feel there is a right or wrong here, but I do however know that I cannot live with watching my baby in pain. Many children who are kept alive in this situation pass within years due to pnemonia, infections, and just because they don't have the capability to stay. Before you have children, people tell you that it is the most amazing feeling in the world. That you won't know until you have one. I have found this to be the very truth. Even more, the worst feeling in the world is watching your baby in this position. I cannot even say the word. And you will never know until you are here. I pray to God that nobody ever have to go through what my family has been through. I pray to God that no child EVER go through what Devyn has gone through. What I can do from here is try and stay strong, for my family, for Devyn's brothers, and my husband. I know, that Devyn will run again, and talk again, and cry again, and laugh again. He will, in heaven with God. And I know in my heart, that Devyn would not want to live any other way.
Today is our family's last day to say goodbye to Devyn. We are taking out the life support tomorrow. It may take days, it may take hours, but no matter what it takes, he will not suffer. This, I know for sure. I ask that you please do not call today, for my family and I need time for grieving. I will update you, or have family update you on service information.
Thank you all, SO MUCH for your prayers and sport. Please do not think God hasn't answered them. because God has. He has held on to Devyn's hand this entire time and now it is his time to walk with him. Please do not stop praying for Devyn and my family.
Love,
Nikki
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Nicki and Joe,
ReplyDeleteI wish so badly I could take your pain away. There is no way I could ever imagine the amount of pain you are both in. We have all been praying so hard for all of you, and I wish there was more I could do. You are right about Devyn, that he will run and laugh again and be happy in heaven looking down upon us. I pray that God gives you and Joe the strength to take it one day at a time and please know that we are all here for you and please let us know if there is anything we can do. I'm so so sorry.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! None of us can answer the question of why does this happen, but I do believe that it happens for a reason one of which you may never know but you have been strong and Devyn has made you and your family that way! You have been guided and never question the decisions that you have made because no matter what, they are the right ones for your situation and DON'T let anyone tell you differently! Never question the path that you have been given and choosen. I will always look up to you and your family knowing that Devyn will do all the things you want him to and he will always be looking over you.
ReplyDeleteBee Alexander
Nikki,Joe and family,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes outto all of you. This decision that you all have agonized over is what little Devyn would want. You are absolutely right that he will be able to run,smile and laugh with our Heavenly Father. Now, Joe and you will need to hold onto each other and be strong for the rest of your boys. We may never understand why but I know that somehow some good will come from this tragedy as God promised. My family and mercie and Ron's friends at the yacht club will continue to pray for you all.
Nikki, I am an old friend of Vikki and Joann's. I just want you to know that we are praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJoe and Nikki
ReplyDeleteI love you and your boys and am so sorry for what you guys are going through. you need to hold tight to one another and no matter what let know one question you only a parent can love there child so much that they would give him up to god. as I sit here I cry tears of sadness for he will be truly missed and then i cry tears of joy because what better place would you want your child than in gods loving hands....If you need anything I am a phone call away love you all try and stay strong.
love
Carol
Dear Nikki, Joe & Family
ReplyDeleteI have been sitting hear for what seems like hours trying to find the right words to express my sympathies to all of you and I just can't find them. If my heart is hurting so bad for someone I have never met, I can't begin to imagine the pain you are all suffering right now.
Before my husband was born, he had a brother who drowned in the Detroit River at the age of five. His Mom said to tell you she knows EXACTLY what you are going through. She said there will be days that you feel you can't go on but then your other children will come bounding in and you have to pick yourself back up for them.
I know they say everything happens for a reason and I never question God's plan for us but that doesn't mean I understand the reason or like it. And we're left with no choice but to accept it.
God Bless you all and God Bless little Devyn.
Love,
Darlene Cragg
I am so very very sorry to hear this. Words cannot express how sorry I am.
ReplyDeleteYour family is in my thoughts. I wish you strength and bravery through this very difficult time.
Nikki, Joe and family:
ReplyDeleteAt a time like this it is hard to know what to say, for words seem so inadequate. I pray that God's mercy, peace and love surround you all and give you some solace during this tragic time.
Your church family loves you and continues to pray for you all daily.If you need ANYTHING, please let me know.
Hello, it's Jessie Denise's coworker again. I just wanted to stop by and let you all know I haven't stop thinking about you. Everyone is my prayers.
ReplyDelete