busy weekend

well we actually really had a good weekend . Friday joey came home we missed him so much the boys did to they ran up to him and followed him around all night...it was cute and good to have all the boys home we haven't laughed like that in awhile. it felt good. Saturday i went to my best friend Cheryls baby shower. that was really hard but i know that i needed to be there . i had a good time just a little emotional i guess...i am so happy for her but at the same time watching her baby come into the world just as mine left is hard i only cried 4 times and she only saw me once ...lol....so i think i did pretty well. saturday night all of us went to my grandmothers and had dinner . it was nice the boys had fun and so did me and joe it was nice to get out of the house. sunday we went to church and then to my dads for dinner and that was nice as well ...i got into a conversation with my grandmother and i told her that i felt him with me (she knew what i meant) it was great to know i wasnt crazy and i believe it brought us closer together. she made me feel like it was okay to beleive devyn is still with me ...i felt at ease i guess joe was there too he said he hears his voice sometimes ...i wish i could ...he had never told me that so i was a little suprised..sometimes at night i sit there looking at my bedroom door and just stair waiting for him to sneak in and crawl into bed like he used to .... i just cant help it . i miss him so much those baby blues and that grin but most of all i miss his smell i know thats weird but i do when he was in the hospital he didnt smell the same as when he was home so thats the first thing that was taken from me .... i love him so much ... well here i go with the tears so im gonna try to lay down ...if i cant sleep ill write more

thanks for praying for our family

Devyn's Yard sale/Bake sale

a pretty normal day

today was an okay day ...less tears... last night i couldn't sleep much i just kept thinking he was there with me i know that sounds weird trust me i know ...but it doesn't help that im addicted to those ghost shows ...so i cant help but wonder what if he is here ..what would he say to me? what would he do ? would i be able to smell his baby smell?..... .its truly a weird feeling me and joe are doing alot better trying to work more as a team ...more then ever before we are so grateful for each other ...weve relized that you really shouldnt sweat the small stuff ....its a waist of time . the funeral home called today to let us know that we could pick devyn up (i know that sounds wierd) but thats how joe said it ...we actually got a little excited but then remembered he really isnt coming home ...its so hard to grasp that our baby isnt coming home ....its unreal like ive said before its like were living in a dream and we cant wake up ...im trying so hard to keep it together for my kids and for joe but each day i feel weaker like a wall is coming down ...its not really a good feeling because i feel like im falling apart slowly. but i guess any emotion is good emotion . its so funny to me that my family used to call me supermom ....havent heard that recently ...not that i expected it ...shouldnt a supermom have super powers? i want them so i can bring him back just one more time just so i can tell him that i was sorry for not pertecting him ...and that i love him so much ....so so much i just miss him ...i wish i could say that i dont feel the blame but i do ...it was my job ...what the hell? omg i wish i could just scream i feel so many things my body is in over load ...i know that this probably makes no since at all ...i just needed to get it out

thanks for listening

TUESDAY MAY 26 2009

Please let me start off by saying im sorry for not updating earlier. the days just seem to slip away ...the boys have been going to school and seem to be okay they have there moments just like me and joe . last night logan was asking for devyn and i told him he was sick and had to go to heaven he started crying and telling me no mommy no its almost like he thought i could go get him ...that was so hard all i could do was hold him and cry . this morning after we dropped the kids off we went and shopped a little we were at this fruit stand and this man came up..... and i swear this is so true....he put his hand on my shoulder and told me god told him of our sorrow at this point me and joe just look at each other and tears start running down our faces ....then the man said that "he" wanted you to know he was okay ...me and joe went home and just sat there i think a little confused maybe unsure of what to think . i wish i could just talk to him one more time just to make sure he was okay . we miss him so much its so hard just to move forward with out him i keep looking at his picture over and over again i dont want to forget anything about him . i feel like im dreaming and i just want to wake up . i have to clean up from dinner but ill try to write more later

nikki

A million times I needed you. A million times I have cried. If love alone could have saved you, You would have never died. In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you still. In my heart you hold a special place,That none will ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you did not go alone. For all my love went with you The day God called you home.

Gone but not forgotten, We love you Devyn!!!
Titi

Devyn's Service- please read.

In lieu of many flowers, the family requests contributions towards Devyn's final expenses. You may send into the Paypal account set up on this site, or you can send something to the family at 610 maple pointe drive seffner fl 33584 written out to Nicole and Joe Costanzo. They have set up an account in Devyn's name which will be used towards all of the expenses. We appreciate all of the love and support you are giving. May God be with you all.

Love,
Brittany

Dylan, Logan, Jordan, and Joey

Hi there again, this is Brittany, NIkki's cousin. We ( Erin and I) had the boys last night.. watching Dylan, Logan, and Jordan. I wanted to update everyone on their progress, because I know a lot of you are asking. Dylan is his happy self.. smiling and carrying on a life of joy around us. He is so playful, and a huge ball of energy. Very loving and a little model. Loves to pose and take photos. Watch out folks, this one is going to be a spokesmodel for something on day. Logan is our sweet sunshine boy. He is super affectionate and sanguine. Of course, a lot of energy as well. He has been hugging his brothers all night long and giving them BIG kisses. Jordan has been talking a lot about Devyn, and is missing him dearly. He drew a picture with Aunt Erin last night for Devyn and told me that he plans on giving it to him so that he remembers him forever. Jordan is one energetic ball of energy as well. He is VERY intelligent in all ways. One ahead of anyone and everyone. He will be very strong for his family, as he is already. Joey was not here last night, but is such a sweet boy and also very loving. Joey is the type to give his shirt off of his back, even as a child. Nikki and Joe have all four boys in a life counseling service and are doing the best they can as parents to help them understand. The boys have a LOT of love around them and A LOT of love to give. Anyhow, we just wanted to give you all an update letting you know how well they are doing. Please keep them in your prayers and positive thoughts.

Funeral Details

Hi, Folks,

I wanted to let you know that the services for Devyn will be held Saturday, May 23, at:

Serenity Meadows Memorial Park & Funeral Home6919 Providence Road Riverview , FL 33569 Tel: (813) 677-9494

Visitation will be from 3:00PM until 5:00PM and the service will begin at 5:00PM.

Thanks again for your prayers and support.

Thank you for your support and love,

The family of Devyn

May God Shed his light on Devyn tonight

Hello all,

I am very saddened to say that today at 2:41 PM our precious baby Devyn passed into the gates of Heaven. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. We will post the service details as soon as it is confirmed. God Bless.
Thank you for all of your support and prayers/thoughts. It means the world to Nicole and Joe.
Love,
Erin and Brittany

Update.. Saturday

I am so sorry you all have been waiting for an update. It has been a stand still of waiting.. I know that we keep saying this, but the doctors are in shock themselves. Devyn is such a healthy boy that he just keeps holding on. According to the medical boards and doctors, a person in his condition should have passed over a week ago. Our baby is just so strong. There are signs it is going to be very soon, we just do not know when. Please keep us in your prayers and keep praying that our baby boy make it to heaven safe.

I want you all to know that this blog has not only helped me document my emotions and my words to my dear beloved son, but it has also allowed you the opportunity to feel as close to Devyn as you could possibly be. Sure, I have a diary. But it doesn't speak back to me. Sure I can write in it, but it doesn't relate to me. It doesn't support the feelings going through my soul. This blog and your kind words have given me the strength to keep going for my family. 

Thank you again, so much, for your support. Please keep the prayers coming! We will update soon.

From your Pastor..

Dear Ones,
I apologize for taking so long to get an update to you but everything has b=
een rather hectic. I will spare you the details and just let you know that =
Devyn is still with us and is breathing on his own. Almost two weeks ago, D=
evyn pulled his breathing assistance tube partially out during the night. S=
o, Joe & Nikki requested that it not be re-inserted as they did not want th=
eir child to be kept alive artificially. They have been told by at least 5 =
neurologists that the front part of his brain has severe irreversible damag=
e. At the present time, it is evident that he is growing weaker but we just=
trust the Lord to have His way. As you can imagine, it has been a tremendo=
us strain on all the family members as they have stood by Joe & Nikki throu=
gh this ordeal. Your prayer support has been felt and deeply appreciated. P=
lease continue in your efforts. We don't know what the future holds, but we=
do know Who holds the future and Joe and Nikki and their families
are clinging to their faith and believing that God is in control.
Sincerely His then yours,
Pastor Eddie Jenkins
Hope Cumberland Presbyterian Church
Valrico, Florida

To Our Dear Granddaugthers Brittany and Erin

Grandpa and I want to personally thank you for the ideas of the blog(s), the run/walk, and the yard sale. Many of our friends and family closeby and far away have written and phoned us about how helpful the blog has been for them. Many of them have told us that they hesitate to call or visit because this is such a personal tragedy and they don't want to intrude. The blog(s) have given them the information they need for their prayers and offerings and have allowed them to grieve with us without intruding.Since we are coming close to the end of the sad journey, this thank you note is offered as a little token for your work and your caring. All of our friends and family who have benefitted from the information offered through these sites also have expressed their gratitude and this is from them too.

We love you and we thank you again,

Meme and Grandpa

Roller Coaster

I have been asked to update, nothing much has changed. Devyn is still holding on. Please continue to pray for our family. God Bless.

Mother's Day, 2009 ...

Today is Mother's Day, 2009. I want to begin by saying that today is a day of blessing. A day of love. A day to cherish. And a day of hugs. Nikki is spending hers praying that God release her baby boy Devyn from fear, and let him into the gates of heaven, JUST NOT TODAY. For those of you who that have been asking.. Nikki and Joe have spent night by night and day by day by Devyn's side since April 23'2009. Last Sunday, the tubes were removed by Devyn himself and were not put back in. The doctors said he would probably pass that day or the next. It has been 7 days. God wants to take him, but our little boy is stubborn, for SURE. He just keeps holding on. His breathing is shallow, and he is sleeping. He has been sleeping for 7 days now, waiting to go play with the other baby angels. The doctors have him very medicated and he is basically sleeping very peacefully. At this point, it is just a waiting game. His little heart just doesn't want to stop beating for his mommy. And reality is, it will stop soon, BUT NEVER FOR HIS MOMMY.

Once again, we appreciate the wishes and prayers. Nikki needs them. Please keep them coming. We ask that you pray Devyn stays with us for at least today, for I do not believe any mother should lose their child on Mother's Day, and Nikki has asked we all pray that he stay with her today. I have a child myself, and celebrating today means something it never meant before. I hope you all hold your children tight today, whether they are 2 or 92, and thank god that he has kept them with you. Please say a prayer for our family today and smile, because one thing is for sure... Devyn wouldn't want you to frown today. And Nikki, God Bless your heart. I found this poem below, and thought I would share with you..

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true. But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?"Yes you can!", He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."Some I send for a lifetime
and other's for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."So you see
my dear sweet one,
your children are OK. Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on that day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one.
Written with love
for all the Mother's missing their babies
by Jennifer Wasik

"Devyn's Run"

Hi guys,

This is Brittany again.. I will update, but first I wanted to copy and paste the same email that our family has received.

As you all know, our family has been impacted by such a tragedy that makes every other huge ordeal in life seem meaningless. Sometimes the small things seem so huge, and we feel like our worlds are turned upside down, until you experience true sorrow. For us, we have done and continue to experience this sorrow for Devyn and his family. I think we are such a strong family and I just know that we will make it through this hard time, together.

Two things I am asking for help on and please let me know if you want to participate:

"Devyn's Run"- This is an annual event that my cousin Erin and I have decided to start. This is going to be a walk/run and swim dedicated to children to help prevent drowning accidents. We want to eventually take this National, but will be starting with the Tampa Bay Area. The media will be there, to help get the word out! This will be like any other 5k walk/run you see advertised, HOWEVER we will be using ALL proceeds to pay for children to take swim/survival lessons and for their parents to take CPR classes.

Over 2700 children are treated in ERs across the country annually, 500 of them not making it past life support. 77 from Florida in 2008. We want to stop this, or at least do what we can to eliminate it. Right now, we are looking for sponsors. It is going to cost us some money ( $1700-$4000) to get this started. Anyone wanted to sponsor Devyn's Run, please contact myself or Erin immediately. We are wanting to get the first run up and running for July/August. There is nothing out there right now dedicated to drowning victims and to help prevent it, like this. This is not only going to help others, but Devyn is going to be the reason other children have that chance. Devyn is our light and our guide, and will touch so many lives, like he already has.

Also, the paypal account is still set up on Devyn's blog. OUR FAMILY NEEDS YOUR HELP! Please donate if you can to help our family out during this traumatic time. WWW.FIGHTFORDEVYN.BLOGSPOT.COM

If you have detailed questions or simply want to help out, please call us! My number is 813-416-7954 and Erin's is 941-539-8487.

Also, please help us spread the word. We need as much help as possible!!! Pass this along! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!

With much love and peace,

Brittany Compton, Devyn's "Aunt Brittany" ( Nikki's cousin)

my little sweet angel

my sweet baby boy as i sit here trying to write a "good bye" letter to you . i just cant find the words .....you look so peace full as we sit here waiting for GOD to lead you up the rainbow to heaven i love you so very much .if i had a chance i would tell you a thousand no a million times just how special you are to me. i cant even begin to imagine life without you and your smile . i keep remembering all the good times and even the pain in the butt times like when you would call your brother a piss pot or when we got our new puppy makenzie and i was trying to teach her how to potty outside then you and dylan decided that you were going to start potting outside to ..you know it took me 2 weeks to get you 2 to go to the bathroom inside again it drove me nuts!!!! but i would do anything to see you squat in the back yard right now...lol i have learned so much from this experience i believe that me and your dad always have and always will love you boys but it was more like a responsibility this has made us realize that we are privileged to have all 5 of you we will never be the same again and we will cherish every moment that we have with your brothers and i know you will be with us every step of the way

i love you so much i dont know why this is happening but you better believe that when i get to heaven im going to have a long list of questions for our GOD .i believe you are and always were an angel god gave you to me for a reason and he is taking you for a reason you will never be forgotten . im tearing up a little bit so im gonna stop this letter here but i will write to you more later

i love you baby "fathead"
mommy

to all the people who have supported us thank you please dont stop praying for me and my family i will keep you all up dated so keep checking the blog
love you all

With love from Nani

My Sweet Little Dev-Dev,

I see you laying here so peaceful with your beautiful blonde hair and I can't help it, I see the tips getting blonder by the second almost as if God is forming your halo. There is a golden cloud with your name all over it and as hard as it is to let you go, I have comfort thaqt God knows best. We will meet again, my little man.

I wuv you back,

Nani

Letter to Devyn from Meme and Grandpa

Today is our 14th day with you, my little one. You are so strong that your little body refuses to give up. Such is the strength of great men. We are sad but we know as Kahil Gibran said so wisely, that "Sadness is the wall between two gardens". We await the time when we join you in God's garden to again see you and play with you.

As little as you are, just 29 months old, you made your mark in this old world. Your uniqueness shone in unforgettable ways. All we have to do is close our eyes and see you in our memories.

There you are:

The one with the beaming smile. Our sunshine boy. Never have I seen or will ever see again in this world, such a sunbeam smile. It took up your whole face. It had the look of, watch out, I am up to something and it is going to be funny. Oh, by the way, good to see you again.

The one with the open arms and the tight hugs and wet kisses. Most two year old boys kiss and hug, but you were a little different in that you loved it and lingered for more. Your little arms around our necks tightened and meant, give me more hugs, Meme and Grandpa.

The one who watched and observed. You were little but your personality already was shining through. You were the one who was going to give advice to your brothers. You were the one who didn't react until you could figure it out. You really saw sometimes what others couldn't see.

The one with the big wide blue eyes. Your intelligence and curiosity was blossoming and shone in those bright blue eyes. You learned fast and in your humorous way tried to get the best of your mom. With us, those eyes melted away any chance of getting scolded.

The one who loved chocolate. How can any of us forget that birthday cake all over your face. The glee with which you ate and then laughed out loud. Your chocolate bunny is at home on the counter, and you can have it. Just eat it at night when no one is looking. We won't tell.

The one who let his brother start the fights, but didn't back down. As sweet and soft hearted as you are, you let your little brother know that you were not a pushover. You may have had small scars, but so did he.

We will miss you, little one. We will miss you terribly. We look forward to see you on the other side of the wall. Remember, honey, don't pick the roses with the thorns, they pinch.

Love,
Meme and Grandpa

No words can describe it...

So I have been sitting here for hours upon hours trying to write out how I am feeling and I just cannot find the right words. One second you have so much hope, and the next it is torn by the hard reality. Upon consulting with the doctors yesterday, we were told that Devyn, if he were to be mechanically kept alive, would be in pain for the rest of his life and he would not recover in any way. He does not have enough brain activity to live on his own. Joe and I do not feel that keeping him on mechanics would be the best decision for Devyn. I do not feel there is a right or wrong here, but I do however know that I cannot live with watching my baby in pain. Many children who are kept alive in this situation pass within years due to pnemonia, infections, and just because they don't have the capability to stay. Before you have children, people tell you that it is the most amazing feeling in the world. That you won't know until you have one. I have found this to be the very truth. Even more, the worst feeling in the world is watching your baby in this position. I cannot even say the word. And you will never know until you are here. I pray to God that nobody ever have to go through what my family has been through. I pray to God that no child EVER go through what Devyn has gone through. What I can do from here is try and stay strong, for my family, for Devyn's brothers, and my husband. I know, that Devyn will run again, and talk again, and cry again, and laugh again. He will, in heaven with God. And I know in my heart, that Devyn would not want to live any other way.

Today is our family's last day to say goodbye to Devyn. We are taking out the life support tomorrow. It may take days, it may take hours, but no matter what it takes, he will not suffer. This, I know for sure. I ask that you please do not call today, for my family and I need time for grieving. I will update you, or have family update you on service information.

Thank you all, SO MUCH for your prayers and sport. Please do not think God hasn't answered them. because God has. He has held on to Devyn's hand this entire time and now it is his time to walk with him. Please do not stop praying for Devyn and my family.

Love,
Nikki

Another day of rest is due..

Today is Monday, May 4th, 2009.

Today has been another day of rest for Devyn. We had scheduled today to be the day to remove the tubes again, however, we have changed the plan for the time being. Devyn needed another day of rest before the big attempt, therefore the doctors are going to consult with us again in the morning. I cannot say too much more at this time, but please know that I am so thankful for the prayers and support coming our way. Our baby boy is very sick and in times of need, the prayers and support help us gain strength through this very very very very very times a million, difficult time. Again, thank you so much. We will update more when we know more.. please keep praying.

Love you all,
Nikki and Joe

Hospital information

Brittany here again. I have received a few emails and several requests to help out. I want to say THANK YOU so much!! Here is the hospital information:

St. Joseph's Children's Hospital of Tampa • 3001 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. • Tampa, FL 33607 • (813) 554-8500

They DO NOT allow flowers or balloons, so please limit those particular things. The Fight for Devyn fund is up, as well as the bake/yard sale we will be having on the 23'rd of May. This will be in Brandon, Fl, at Devyn's church. I will update later with the address.

As far as Devyn, today they will be removing the life support again, in attempt to get him to breathe on his own. The lung infection is normal, so for those of you worried about that, don't be. Yesterday was a very hard day for Devyn, but please remember that not every day will be good. This is a very big roller coaster right now, and we just need all of the prayers we can get.

As far as the news, as a family we have decided this isnt the best for now.. we will update later when we decide to go that route again.

Please do not hesitate to call me or our cousin Erin, or email us for questions about the upcoming events, the Fund, or anything else.

I am sure Nikki will update later. Love to you all. And thank you for your kind words/prayers! They are working so far!!

Devyns reaction to his twin, Dylan

Brittany here again..
Nikki is exhausted and asked me to update this very exciting news!

Dylan, Devyn's twin came up to see Devyn today. He sat on the bed next to him, rubbing his legs, then his tummy, then kissed him on the head. He was saying "Dev Dev sick mommy" and talking to Devyn. DEVYNS HEART RATE went way up.. to like 170's.. almost 200! He started moving around a lot! This hasn't happened since the accident! Now, we are not trying to gain false hope, but if you ask me.. this is a clear signal that Devyn can hear and RECOGNISE Dylan.

This is great news, and we are all hoping Dylan can keep talking to Devyn!

Saturday .. a day of rest..

May 2,2009

This is Nikki's cousin Brittany, just sending an update. Today was supposed to be the second attempt to taking out the life support. However, Devyn has an infection in his lungs ( which is normal) and the doctors wanted to wait a couple of days. Devyn was pretty agitated today, I am sure he is hating the tubes, and wants them OUT! I sat with him for a couple of hours just watching him. he is so sweet, and peaceful. They gave him morphine for the irritation and pain, so today was going to be a long day of just that, rest. When I left, Dylan ( Devyn's twin) was on his way up, we are hoping Dylan can speak to him, you know, in twin words.

Since I am on here, I want to let you all know that on MAY 23'rd 2009 we are having a COMMUNITY yard sale for The fight for Devyn fund. This will be a huge yard sale, along with baked goods and T shirts for sale. ALL proceeds will go to help the family pay for Devyn's care, in the hospital and at home. We will also be having a walk for Devyn 5k walk/run. That will be in June sometime. If you want to participate in the yard sale, please email me at Brittanym.compton@gmail.com.

Tomorrow, Devyn's story will be on the news. Keep an eye out to help us spread the word for prayer, help, and support!

We want to thank ALL of you for your prayers and support. It means so MUCH to Nikki and Joe. Please keep them coming! The more prayer we have, the stronger the noise!

I will update later, if Nik doesn't..

day 8 may 1 2009

today is day eight im sitting here watching devyn sleep he seems so peaceful ..today was a good day we started making arrangements for devyn to come home, even though that wont be for another month or so its still moving foward so me and joe are so excited were learning how to care for devyn the best way possible . and we have prepared all of the kids (except dylan) on what to expect . im sorta confused on dylan he is so young and they have such a close bond because they are twins . so its a little scarey but i think were going to bring him in on mon or tues but not sure


joe is going to stay home tonight with the kids they need him to just like they need me and i think he relizes that now

we know the road ahead is going to be bumpy but we dont care we have our seat belts on