busy weekend

well we actually really had a good weekend . Friday joey came home we missed him so much the boys did to they ran up to him and followed him around all night...it was cute and good to have all the boys home we haven't laughed like that in awhile. it felt good. Saturday i went to my best friend Cheryls baby shower. that was really hard but i know that i needed to be there . i had a good time just a little emotional i guess...i am so happy for her but at the same time watching her baby come into the world just as mine left is hard i only cried 4 times and she only saw me once ...lol....so i think i did pretty well. saturday night all of us went to my grandmothers and had dinner . it was nice the boys had fun and so did me and joe it was nice to get out of the house. sunday we went to church and then to my dads for dinner and that was nice as well ...i got into a conversation with my grandmother and i told her that i felt him with me (she knew what i meant) it was great to know i wasnt crazy and i believe it brought us closer together. she made me feel like it was okay to beleive devyn is still with me ...i felt at ease i guess joe was there too he said he hears his voice sometimes ...i wish i could ...he had never told me that so i was a little suprised..sometimes at night i sit there looking at my bedroom door and just stair waiting for him to sneak in and crawl into bed like he used to .... i just cant help it . i miss him so much those baby blues and that grin but most of all i miss his smell i know thats weird but i do when he was in the hospital he didnt smell the same as when he was home so thats the first thing that was taken from me .... i love him so much ... well here i go with the tears so im gonna try to lay down ...if i cant sleep ill write more

thanks for praying for our family

Devyn's Yard sale/Bake sale

a pretty normal day

today was an okay day ...less tears... last night i couldn't sleep much i just kept thinking he was there with me i know that sounds weird trust me i know ...but it doesn't help that im addicted to those ghost shows ...so i cant help but wonder what if he is here ..what would he say to me? what would he do ? would i be able to smell his baby smell?..... .its truly a weird feeling me and joe are doing alot better trying to work more as a team ...more then ever before we are so grateful for each other ...weve relized that you really shouldnt sweat the small stuff ....its a waist of time . the funeral home called today to let us know that we could pick devyn up (i know that sounds wierd) but thats how joe said it ...we actually got a little excited but then remembered he really isnt coming home ...its so hard to grasp that our baby isnt coming home ....its unreal like ive said before its like were living in a dream and we cant wake up ...im trying so hard to keep it together for my kids and for joe but each day i feel weaker like a wall is coming down ...its not really a good feeling because i feel like im falling apart slowly. but i guess any emotion is good emotion . its so funny to me that my family used to call me supermom ....havent heard that recently ...not that i expected it ...shouldnt a supermom have super powers? i want them so i can bring him back just one more time just so i can tell him that i was sorry for not pertecting him ...and that i love him so much ....so so much i just miss him ...i wish i could say that i dont feel the blame but i do ...it was my job ...what the hell? omg i wish i could just scream i feel so many things my body is in over load ...i know that this probably makes no since at all ...i just needed to get it out

thanks for listening

TUESDAY MAY 26 2009

Please let me start off by saying im sorry for not updating earlier. the days just seem to slip away ...the boys have been going to school and seem to be okay they have there moments just like me and joe . last night logan was asking for devyn and i told him he was sick and had to go to heaven he started crying and telling me no mommy no its almost like he thought i could go get him ...that was so hard all i could do was hold him and cry . this morning after we dropped the kids off we went and shopped a little we were at this fruit stand and this man came up..... and i swear this is so true....he put his hand on my shoulder and told me god told him of our sorrow at this point me and joe just look at each other and tears start running down our faces ....then the man said that "he" wanted you to know he was okay ...me and joe went home and just sat there i think a little confused maybe unsure of what to think . i wish i could just talk to him one more time just to make sure he was okay . we miss him so much its so hard just to move forward with out him i keep looking at his picture over and over again i dont want to forget anything about him . i feel like im dreaming and i just want to wake up . i have to clean up from dinner but ill try to write more later

nikki

A million times I needed you. A million times I have cried. If love alone could have saved you, You would have never died. In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you still. In my heart you hold a special place,That none will ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you did not go alone. For all my love went with you The day God called you home.

Gone but not forgotten, We love you Devyn!!!
Titi

Devyn's Service- please read.

In lieu of many flowers, the family requests contributions towards Devyn's final expenses. You may send into the Paypal account set up on this site, or you can send something to the family at 610 maple pointe drive seffner fl 33584 written out to Nicole and Joe Costanzo. They have set up an account in Devyn's name which will be used towards all of the expenses. We appreciate all of the love and support you are giving. May God be with you all.

Love,
Brittany

Dylan, Logan, Jordan, and Joey

Hi there again, this is Brittany, NIkki's cousin. We ( Erin and I) had the boys last night.. watching Dylan, Logan, and Jordan. I wanted to update everyone on their progress, because I know a lot of you are asking. Dylan is his happy self.. smiling and carrying on a life of joy around us. He is so playful, and a huge ball of energy. Very loving and a little model. Loves to pose and take photos. Watch out folks, this one is going to be a spokesmodel for something on day. Logan is our sweet sunshine boy. He is super affectionate and sanguine. Of course, a lot of energy as well. He has been hugging his brothers all night long and giving them BIG kisses. Jordan has been talking a lot about Devyn, and is missing him dearly. He drew a picture with Aunt Erin last night for Devyn and told me that he plans on giving it to him so that he remembers him forever. Jordan is one energetic ball of energy as well. He is VERY intelligent in all ways. One ahead of anyone and everyone. He will be very strong for his family, as he is already. Joey was not here last night, but is such a sweet boy and also very loving. Joey is the type to give his shirt off of his back, even as a child. Nikki and Joe have all four boys in a life counseling service and are doing the best they can as parents to help them understand. The boys have a LOT of love around them and A LOT of love to give. Anyhow, we just wanted to give you all an update letting you know how well they are doing. Please keep them in your prayers and positive thoughts.

Funeral Details

Hi, Folks,

I wanted to let you know that the services for Devyn will be held Saturday, May 23, at:

Serenity Meadows Memorial Park & Funeral Home6919 Providence Road Riverview , FL 33569 Tel: (813) 677-9494

Visitation will be from 3:00PM until 5:00PM and the service will begin at 5:00PM.

Thanks again for your prayers and support.

Thank you for your support and love,

The family of Devyn

May God Shed his light on Devyn tonight

Hello all,

I am very saddened to say that today at 2:41 PM our precious baby Devyn passed into the gates of Heaven. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. We will post the service details as soon as it is confirmed. God Bless.
Thank you for all of your support and prayers/thoughts. It means the world to Nicole and Joe.
Love,
Erin and Brittany

Update.. Saturday

I am so sorry you all have been waiting for an update. It has been a stand still of waiting.. I know that we keep saying this, but the doctors are in shock themselves. Devyn is such a healthy boy that he just keeps holding on. According to the medical boards and doctors, a person in his condition should have passed over a week ago. Our baby is just so strong. There are signs it is going to be very soon, we just do not know when. Please keep us in your prayers and keep praying that our baby boy make it to heaven safe.

I want you all to know that this blog has not only helped me document my emotions and my words to my dear beloved son, but it has also allowed you the opportunity to feel as close to Devyn as you could possibly be. Sure, I have a diary. But it doesn't speak back to me. Sure I can write in it, but it doesn't relate to me. It doesn't support the feelings going through my soul. This blog and your kind words have given me the strength to keep going for my family. 

Thank you again, so much, for your support. Please keep the prayers coming! We will update soon.

From your Pastor..

Dear Ones,
I apologize for taking so long to get an update to you but everything has b=
een rather hectic. I will spare you the details and just let you know that =
Devyn is still with us and is breathing on his own. Almost two weeks ago, D=
evyn pulled his breathing assistance tube partially out during the night. S=
o, Joe & Nikki requested that it not be re-inserted as they did not want th=
eir child to be kept alive artificially. They have been told by at least 5 =
neurologists that the front part of his brain has severe irreversible damag=
e. At the present time, it is evident that he is growing weaker but we just=
trust the Lord to have His way. As you can imagine, it has been a tremendo=
us strain on all the family members as they have stood by Joe & Nikki throu=
gh this ordeal. Your prayer support has been felt and deeply appreciated. P=
lease continue in your efforts. We don't know what the future holds, but we=
do know Who holds the future and Joe and Nikki and their families
are clinging to their faith and believing that God is in control.
Sincerely His then yours,
Pastor Eddie Jenkins
Hope Cumberland Presbyterian Church
Valrico, Florida

To Our Dear Granddaugthers Brittany and Erin

Grandpa and I want to personally thank you for the ideas of the blog(s), the run/walk, and the yard sale. Many of our friends and family closeby and far away have written and phoned us about how helpful the blog has been for them. Many of them have told us that they hesitate to call or visit because this is such a personal tragedy and they don't want to intrude. The blog(s) have given them the information they need for their prayers and offerings and have allowed them to grieve with us without intruding.Since we are coming close to the end of the sad journey, this thank you note is offered as a little token for your work and your caring. All of our friends and family who have benefitted from the information offered through these sites also have expressed their gratitude and this is from them too.

We love you and we thank you again,

Meme and Grandpa

Roller Coaster

I have been asked to update, nothing much has changed. Devyn is still holding on. Please continue to pray for our family. God Bless.

Mother's Day, 2009 ...

Today is Mother's Day, 2009. I want to begin by saying that today is a day of blessing. A day of love. A day to cherish. And a day of hugs. Nikki is spending hers praying that God release her baby boy Devyn from fear, and let him into the gates of heaven, JUST NOT TODAY. For those of you who that have been asking.. Nikki and Joe have spent night by night and day by day by Devyn's side since April 23'2009. Last Sunday, the tubes were removed by Devyn himself and were not put back in. The doctors said he would probably pass that day or the next. It has been 7 days. God wants to take him, but our little boy is stubborn, for SURE. He just keeps holding on. His breathing is shallow, and he is sleeping. He has been sleeping for 7 days now, waiting to go play with the other baby angels. The doctors have him very medicated and he is basically sleeping very peacefully. At this point, it is just a waiting game. His little heart just doesn't want to stop beating for his mommy. And reality is, it will stop soon, BUT NEVER FOR HIS MOMMY.

Once again, we appreciate the wishes and prayers. Nikki needs them. Please keep them coming. We ask that you pray Devyn stays with us for at least today, for I do not believe any mother should lose their child on Mother's Day, and Nikki has asked we all pray that he stay with her today. I have a child myself, and celebrating today means something it never meant before. I hope you all hold your children tight today, whether they are 2 or 92, and thank god that he has kept them with you. Please say a prayer for our family today and smile, because one thing is for sure... Devyn wouldn't want you to frown today. And Nikki, God Bless your heart. I found this poem below, and thought I would share with you..

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true. But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?"Yes you can!", He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."Some I send for a lifetime
and other's for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."So you see
my dear sweet one,
your children are OK. Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on that day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one.
Written with love
for all the Mother's missing their babies
by Jennifer Wasik

"Devyn's Run"

Hi guys,

This is Brittany again.. I will update, but first I wanted to copy and paste the same email that our family has received.

As you all know, our family has been impacted by such a tragedy that makes every other huge ordeal in life seem meaningless. Sometimes the small things seem so huge, and we feel like our worlds are turned upside down, until you experience true sorrow. For us, we have done and continue to experience this sorrow for Devyn and his family. I think we are such a strong family and I just know that we will make it through this hard time, together.

Two things I am asking for help on and please let me know if you want to participate:

"Devyn's Run"- This is an annual event that my cousin Erin and I have decided to start. This is going to be a walk/run and swim dedicated to children to help prevent drowning accidents. We want to eventually take this National, but will be starting with the Tampa Bay Area. The media will be there, to help get the word out! This will be like any other 5k walk/run you see advertised, HOWEVER we will be using ALL proceeds to pay for children to take swim/survival lessons and for their parents to take CPR classes.

Over 2700 children are treated in ERs across the country annually, 500 of them not making it past life support. 77 from Florida in 2008. We want to stop this, or at least do what we can to eliminate it. Right now, we are looking for sponsors. It is going to cost us some money ( $1700-$4000) to get this started. Anyone wanted to sponsor Devyn's Run, please contact myself or Erin immediately. We are wanting to get the first run up and running for July/August. There is nothing out there right now dedicated to drowning victims and to help prevent it, like this. This is not only going to help others, but Devyn is going to be the reason other children have that chance. Devyn is our light and our guide, and will touch so many lives, like he already has.

Also, the paypal account is still set up on Devyn's blog. OUR FAMILY NEEDS YOUR HELP! Please donate if you can to help our family out during this traumatic time. WWW.FIGHTFORDEVYN.BLOGSPOT.COM

If you have detailed questions or simply want to help out, please call us! My number is 813-416-7954 and Erin's is 941-539-8487.

Also, please help us spread the word. We need as much help as possible!!! Pass this along! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!

With much love and peace,

Brittany Compton, Devyn's "Aunt Brittany" ( Nikki's cousin)

my little sweet angel

my sweet baby boy as i sit here trying to write a "good bye" letter to you . i just cant find the words .....you look so peace full as we sit here waiting for GOD to lead you up the rainbow to heaven i love you so very much .if i had a chance i would tell you a thousand no a million times just how special you are to me. i cant even begin to imagine life without you and your smile . i keep remembering all the good times and even the pain in the butt times like when you would call your brother a piss pot or when we got our new puppy makenzie and i was trying to teach her how to potty outside then you and dylan decided that you were going to start potting outside to ..you know it took me 2 weeks to get you 2 to go to the bathroom inside again it drove me nuts!!!! but i would do anything to see you squat in the back yard right now...lol i have learned so much from this experience i believe that me and your dad always have and always will love you boys but it was more like a responsibility this has made us realize that we are privileged to have all 5 of you we will never be the same again and we will cherish every moment that we have with your brothers and i know you will be with us every step of the way

i love you so much i dont know why this is happening but you better believe that when i get to heaven im going to have a long list of questions for our GOD .i believe you are and always were an angel god gave you to me for a reason and he is taking you for a reason you will never be forgotten . im tearing up a little bit so im gonna stop this letter here but i will write to you more later

i love you baby "fathead"
mommy

to all the people who have supported us thank you please dont stop praying for me and my family i will keep you all up dated so keep checking the blog
love you all

With love from Nani

My Sweet Little Dev-Dev,

I see you laying here so peaceful with your beautiful blonde hair and I can't help it, I see the tips getting blonder by the second almost as if God is forming your halo. There is a golden cloud with your name all over it and as hard as it is to let you go, I have comfort thaqt God knows best. We will meet again, my little man.

I wuv you back,

Nani

Letter to Devyn from Meme and Grandpa

Today is our 14th day with you, my little one. You are so strong that your little body refuses to give up. Such is the strength of great men. We are sad but we know as Kahil Gibran said so wisely, that "Sadness is the wall between two gardens". We await the time when we join you in God's garden to again see you and play with you.

As little as you are, just 29 months old, you made your mark in this old world. Your uniqueness shone in unforgettable ways. All we have to do is close our eyes and see you in our memories.

There you are:

The one with the beaming smile. Our sunshine boy. Never have I seen or will ever see again in this world, such a sunbeam smile. It took up your whole face. It had the look of, watch out, I am up to something and it is going to be funny. Oh, by the way, good to see you again.

The one with the open arms and the tight hugs and wet kisses. Most two year old boys kiss and hug, but you were a little different in that you loved it and lingered for more. Your little arms around our necks tightened and meant, give me more hugs, Meme and Grandpa.

The one who watched and observed. You were little but your personality already was shining through. You were the one who was going to give advice to your brothers. You were the one who didn't react until you could figure it out. You really saw sometimes what others couldn't see.

The one with the big wide blue eyes. Your intelligence and curiosity was blossoming and shone in those bright blue eyes. You learned fast and in your humorous way tried to get the best of your mom. With us, those eyes melted away any chance of getting scolded.

The one who loved chocolate. How can any of us forget that birthday cake all over your face. The glee with which you ate and then laughed out loud. Your chocolate bunny is at home on the counter, and you can have it. Just eat it at night when no one is looking. We won't tell.

The one who let his brother start the fights, but didn't back down. As sweet and soft hearted as you are, you let your little brother know that you were not a pushover. You may have had small scars, but so did he.

We will miss you, little one. We will miss you terribly. We look forward to see you on the other side of the wall. Remember, honey, don't pick the roses with the thorns, they pinch.

Love,
Meme and Grandpa

No words can describe it...

So I have been sitting here for hours upon hours trying to write out how I am feeling and I just cannot find the right words. One second you have so much hope, and the next it is torn by the hard reality. Upon consulting with the doctors yesterday, we were told that Devyn, if he were to be mechanically kept alive, would be in pain for the rest of his life and he would not recover in any way. He does not have enough brain activity to live on his own. Joe and I do not feel that keeping him on mechanics would be the best decision for Devyn. I do not feel there is a right or wrong here, but I do however know that I cannot live with watching my baby in pain. Many children who are kept alive in this situation pass within years due to pnemonia, infections, and just because they don't have the capability to stay. Before you have children, people tell you that it is the most amazing feeling in the world. That you won't know until you have one. I have found this to be the very truth. Even more, the worst feeling in the world is watching your baby in this position. I cannot even say the word. And you will never know until you are here. I pray to God that nobody ever have to go through what my family has been through. I pray to God that no child EVER go through what Devyn has gone through. What I can do from here is try and stay strong, for my family, for Devyn's brothers, and my husband. I know, that Devyn will run again, and talk again, and cry again, and laugh again. He will, in heaven with God. And I know in my heart, that Devyn would not want to live any other way.

Today is our family's last day to say goodbye to Devyn. We are taking out the life support tomorrow. It may take days, it may take hours, but no matter what it takes, he will not suffer. This, I know for sure. I ask that you please do not call today, for my family and I need time for grieving. I will update you, or have family update you on service information.

Thank you all, SO MUCH for your prayers and sport. Please do not think God hasn't answered them. because God has. He has held on to Devyn's hand this entire time and now it is his time to walk with him. Please do not stop praying for Devyn and my family.

Love,
Nikki

Another day of rest is due..

Today is Monday, May 4th, 2009.

Today has been another day of rest for Devyn. We had scheduled today to be the day to remove the tubes again, however, we have changed the plan for the time being. Devyn needed another day of rest before the big attempt, therefore the doctors are going to consult with us again in the morning. I cannot say too much more at this time, but please know that I am so thankful for the prayers and support coming our way. Our baby boy is very sick and in times of need, the prayers and support help us gain strength through this very very very very very times a million, difficult time. Again, thank you so much. We will update more when we know more.. please keep praying.

Love you all,
Nikki and Joe

Hospital information

Brittany here again. I have received a few emails and several requests to help out. I want to say THANK YOU so much!! Here is the hospital information:

St. Joseph's Children's Hospital of Tampa • 3001 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. • Tampa, FL 33607 • (813) 554-8500

They DO NOT allow flowers or balloons, so please limit those particular things. The Fight for Devyn fund is up, as well as the bake/yard sale we will be having on the 23'rd of May. This will be in Brandon, Fl, at Devyn's church. I will update later with the address.

As far as Devyn, today they will be removing the life support again, in attempt to get him to breathe on his own. The lung infection is normal, so for those of you worried about that, don't be. Yesterday was a very hard day for Devyn, but please remember that not every day will be good. This is a very big roller coaster right now, and we just need all of the prayers we can get.

As far as the news, as a family we have decided this isnt the best for now.. we will update later when we decide to go that route again.

Please do not hesitate to call me or our cousin Erin, or email us for questions about the upcoming events, the Fund, or anything else.

I am sure Nikki will update later. Love to you all. And thank you for your kind words/prayers! They are working so far!!

Devyns reaction to his twin, Dylan

Brittany here again..
Nikki is exhausted and asked me to update this very exciting news!

Dylan, Devyn's twin came up to see Devyn today. He sat on the bed next to him, rubbing his legs, then his tummy, then kissed him on the head. He was saying "Dev Dev sick mommy" and talking to Devyn. DEVYNS HEART RATE went way up.. to like 170's.. almost 200! He started moving around a lot! This hasn't happened since the accident! Now, we are not trying to gain false hope, but if you ask me.. this is a clear signal that Devyn can hear and RECOGNISE Dylan.

This is great news, and we are all hoping Dylan can keep talking to Devyn!

Saturday .. a day of rest..

May 2,2009

This is Nikki's cousin Brittany, just sending an update. Today was supposed to be the second attempt to taking out the life support. However, Devyn has an infection in his lungs ( which is normal) and the doctors wanted to wait a couple of days. Devyn was pretty agitated today, I am sure he is hating the tubes, and wants them OUT! I sat with him for a couple of hours just watching him. he is so sweet, and peaceful. They gave him morphine for the irritation and pain, so today was going to be a long day of just that, rest. When I left, Dylan ( Devyn's twin) was on his way up, we are hoping Dylan can speak to him, you know, in twin words.

Since I am on here, I want to let you all know that on MAY 23'rd 2009 we are having a COMMUNITY yard sale for The fight for Devyn fund. This will be a huge yard sale, along with baked goods and T shirts for sale. ALL proceeds will go to help the family pay for Devyn's care, in the hospital and at home. We will also be having a walk for Devyn 5k walk/run. That will be in June sometime. If you want to participate in the yard sale, please email me at Brittanym.compton@gmail.com.

Tomorrow, Devyn's story will be on the news. Keep an eye out to help us spread the word for prayer, help, and support!

We want to thank ALL of you for your prayers and support. It means so MUCH to Nikki and Joe. Please keep them coming! The more prayer we have, the stronger the noise!

I will update later, if Nik doesn't..

day 8 may 1 2009

today is day eight im sitting here watching devyn sleep he seems so peaceful ..today was a good day we started making arrangements for devyn to come home, even though that wont be for another month or so its still moving foward so me and joe are so excited were learning how to care for devyn the best way possible . and we have prepared all of the kids (except dylan) on what to expect . im sorta confused on dylan he is so young and they have such a close bond because they are twins . so its a little scarey but i think were going to bring him in on mon or tues but not sure


joe is going to stay home tonight with the kids they need him to just like they need me and i think he relizes that now

we know the road ahead is going to be bumpy but we dont care we have our seat belts on

thursday apr 30

today was a stressful day but non eventful nothing changed really . all we did is wait and pray wait and pray . i think waiting is the most stressful part. today logan and jordan came and saw the life therapist then we took them into see devyn they were so sad .its such a hard thing to deal with watching your children emotionally and physiclly hurt and know there is nothng you can do to fix it i feel like im watching my family crumble and theres nothing i can do ...usually im the mrs fix it or the strong one and i just dont have any left i just cant fix this .its so hard ...every thought or question in my head starts or ends with why. why why why .....

i went home tonight because i felt that jordan and logan needed me . i was in the kicthen cleaning up and the phone rang it was a faimly friend so we started to talk i was updating her on devyn . i happen to look up and noticed my back door that leads to the pool was opened i paniced i droped the phone and started crying i paniced i ran out side and when i got to the back porch they were peacefully playing ... i then relized that i have a 5 ft safety fence around my whole pool . how did something like this happen to someone who took all the safety procedures how did this happen

i had to sit and take a min to myself to calm down i started reading some of the comments people have left me and i came across this saying that someone wrote and i couldnt help but smile ...so i wanted to share it

life is to short to wake up with regrets
so love the people who treat you right
forget about the ones who dont
believe everything happens for a reason
and if you get a second chance grab it with both hands
if it changes you life let it
nobody said life would be easy
they just promised it would all be worth it


i thank you for writing that it refilled some of my hope meter...lol...it was a little low

thank you all for your support i might write a little later but i might go to sleep not really sure

this is a poem from my uncle and i would like to share it

To Devyn with Love,

When we are born, the sand starts to flow

How much is in the Glass, only God will know!

You lay there so Peaceful, none of us understand!

How God could let this happen,

To such a special little Man!

Our Faith & Hope will always press on,

The Lord is with You, that I feel Strong!

If you make it through this toughest part of the Fight!

You will always make people smile and be a world of Delight!

If the Lord takes you and sets your soul Free!

That is his decision and that is what it will be!

Either way!

Matthew 18 makes it clear as Bell to Me,

God has your little Hand, it's so simple to See!

I Love You Little Guy!

Uncle Mitch

Matt 18

“ Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become a Child, you will by No means enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever Humbles himself as this little Child is the Greatest in The Kingdom of Heaven. “

1 step foward 2 steps back

today is Wednesday April 29 i just wanted to update everyone on devyns progress this morning they decided to take out the breathing tube he was breathing on his own from 830 am to about 4 pm we were so happy but they had to put the tube back .they say this is normal . i say my baby is a fighter and this tube is going to come out again...i guess were going to try on friday thank you all for your prayers i truly believe that its helping . i am not sure why this happened to my angel but i do believe that god only gives you what you can handle and maybe he knows that my baby was the only one that could prove them doctors wrong . me and joe are going through a lot right now we are physiclly and emotionally drained but were far from giving up and i hope you all are too....if god chosses not to answer my prayers maybe he wil grant one of yours so please please pray for my baby ...im really tired and really drained so this has got to be short but its an update and i will keep you all posted

important day

today is wen the 29 of april i cant write much just that this is a really big day we need more prayers then ever ...i will write later please
pray every free second you have

my sweetest angel


well 2:20 in the morning and im wide awake , i have great news me and daddy were reading books to you and you lifted your right arm . the nurse seen it to and she says thats a great sign . daddy just kept reading and reading nana was there they both were grinning ear to ear ill i could do is cry but not sad tears the best tears ever HAPPYTEARS also (i dont know if your gonna like this part) the nurse was doing some kind of test where she pinches the tip of your finger real hard and before you could barely pull away but now you look like your gonna karate kick the nurse ....lol.....that was a great feeling !!!!!!!!your nurse for the last couple nights name is jennifer she is terrific you can really tell she cares about you but then again how could you not your a stud !!! this other family that has been in the waiting room with us have been great their little boy had open heart surgery and he is getting bigger and stronger every day . i have a feeling you will be meeting jace (kristy and aarons son) as soon as you get better . i cant believe im not sleepy its un real i wish i could go to bed im going to try to eat so ill write some more tomorrow i love you baby boy i kive you so very much . i cant wait to see you smile keep holding gods ahnd baby he is going to make sure your safe
i love you
mommy

later in the night .....

well its 930 i tried laying down but im finding its almost impossible .im so grateful for all the support we are receiving i never realized how much my friends and family cared about us . i have got to tell you this is the hardest thing that ive ever been through i have so many mixed up feelings its so hard to explain this is almost to real it kinda feels like a dream . i would never wish this pain on anyone .

jordan and logan and joey come home tomorrow im really excited to see them. i just want to hug them and squeeze them and tell them over and over again how much i love them . i want them to have no doubt in there mind about how special they are to us . we are so grateful to have them i cant even say that enough .

another thing i wanted to share is the support ive been getting from joe he is the most amazing man i have ever met he is so supportive . i know he is hurting too but he is trying to be so strong for me . i never relized exactly how lucky i was but boy do i know now i love him so very much and i know that we can make it through this together .

i know that this entry is a little crazy..lol...but i just thought it was important to let people know how greatful we are for all there prayers.]

again thanks everyone and dont forget god is holding my babys hand and he is gonna bring him back to us keep up the prayers and the faith if you want to leave comments on here feel free or if youd like to write a letter to devyn me or joe feel free i know this is hard for everyone so if it makes you feel better do it...lol...

i love you all and again thank you all

Update to our friends/family- April 27, 2009

April 27th, 2009

This morning we woke up and neroligist was here. He examined Devyn and told us that his eyes looked better, but he is still showing signs of severe brain damage. Once he left, the doctor came in and said that they put in for another EEG ( for seizures in the brain). They did the tests but we do not have the results yet. Possibly tomorrow? Devyn is the same as yesterday. he has opened his eyes a lot more. Joe says he is responding to him a lot more, but because it is not repetitive it does not mean anything, according to the doctors. They did another catscan on the brain as well and they are saying that the lower part of the brain is swollen. They cannot say how much it is affecting Devyn right now. Things can change daily, so the scan cannot accuratly tell us how much it is affecting him. They also said they do have to go by his examination rather than going by catscan, because there is nothing more accurate than his activity. According to the exam, everything he is doing is from the lower part of the brain. Today they began him on steroids to open up his pathways for air. We are going to sit down tomorrow and go over pros and cons on attempting to remove the breathing tube. Tomorow is going to be so hard, but could end up being so good. Every is another step to getting better, and Devyn being closer to recovery. They didnt give a time, but between 4 and 5 in the morning tomorrow they will stop feeding little Devyn. They didnt go over much today about the pros and cons, but he does want to wait until tomorrow to see if he gets better or worse. He does not want to give us false hope. He will be able to give us better judgement tomorrow. Our pastor came today and said prayers again. I got very sick today from lack of eating and stress.

Devyn is taking 55 breaths per minute, the machine is giving him 8 additional. He is not missing any breaths at this point.

Joey went back to school today. He went right to the counciling center, and then to class. He seems to be doing better, for today anyway. All we can do is keep him on a positive track.

Please keep praying for Devyn. May God be holding his hand.

Day four- Dear angel Devyn...

So today is April 26th, Sunday.

My sweet angel,

day four. here you are. Sleeping like an angel. This morning when we woke up you were more alert than ever. You responded to our song again, and you are trying to talk. ( The docs say you are just trying to push the tube out) But I think it looks like you are trying to talk to me. I know you are coming back, everyone has faith in you. We are waiting for the doc to come in so I will write more after that....

Mommy loves you Devyn. So does Daddy. The doctor seems very positive today. He says that time will tell all. Only you will be able to determine how far you can go. You are a stubborn little boogie, you keep trying to get the tube out of your mouth. Daddy and I decided that the kids are going back to school on Tuesday. I think that it is important to get back into our routine. You know mommy and her schedules, LOL. We are going to run to the store to get you some special lip balm, your lips are a little chapped ( well, a lot chapped). Their stuff is not good enough for my baby.

There, now your lips look 100% better. You are having a hard time sleeping. I dont blame you, so is mommy. I am so tired but I do not want to miss a beat. I don't want to miss anything. It is 4 in the morning and I am still watching you sleep like an angel. The nurse just came in and told me I have to lay down. The doctor told daddy and I that we are not allowed to stay anymore. That we have to take shifts and go home. I am going to try. I love you, my baby. Keep holding Gods hand.

Until tomorrow, Mommy
Todays word is HOPE

Day Three 4-25-09 Day three Dear Dev

My love,

Last night was great. You had the best nurse named Jill. She has faith in you just like mommy and daddy do. She was great! I slept better knowing that she was there. Your vitals are great and you didnt have any seizures like last night. They took you off of some of the medications and they are finally going to feed you. I know you are starving, these are all great signs. I am so very proud of you, you are so very strong. You are going to gt through this. Today you are only taking 8 breaths from the machine which is great! We're waiting for the doctor to come in and review all of the tests and information they collected. Also, there is a rock garden downstairs and a bunch of rocks have names and prayers on them. Mommy found the biggest one and put your name on it. Thenm the rest of the family wrote a bunch of little ones for you. You should see how many are there for you.

Well, the doctor just came in and informed us how bad off you can be. She said you wont walk to talk, but I know you will. It may take time but I will get you there. Our family will get you there. I am just holding on to the positive things and we will deal with the rest when it comes. I miss your brothers, I am on my way to see Uncle Justin. He is having a hard time with this and I want him to get back into a positive light for you. We also might stop by Papa's house to see the boys. Not sure if I can handle that yet. Devyn I feel numb without you. I need you to find the strength to come back to me. I miss you.

Well, I saw Unlce Justin and he sends his love. I did not go see the boys because I need and want to save all o fmy energy for you tonight. The nurse said that we can give you a bath and I think you might like that. Hopefully that helps you feel better.

We gave you a bath and I WAS RIGHT, You did everything the mean doctor said you wouldnt do! You gagged on the tube, you opened an eye, and you looked at us. You were moving and pushing your legs, you coughed, and you squeezed my hand. You did a wonderful job, I am so proud of you. Daddy is bouncing off the walls, he is so thrilled. He is smiling from ear to ear! We all love you so much! again the nurses are so great I am really happy you are at this hospital. Only the best for my baby boy! You had a lot of visitors today, and now you are resting. That is what's best for you right now. I am so tired, I think I finally might be able to get some rest knowing you are getting there! Mommy loves you my sweet boy. Keep holding Gods hand, you are safe with him Devyn.

Love,
Mommy

To my sweet son Devyn- 4-24-2009 -day two

April 24th 2009
Day Two

Dev Dev,

Today is the second day in the hospital. You seem to b doing much better. your color to me seems to be doing 100% better. You opened one eye when daddy was talking to you, he got so excited. Your breathing 57 breaths per minute and only 12 of them from the machine which is great! I know you will prove them wrong. I know you are going to wake up Devyn. God is holding your little hand, leading you back to me. Bubba Joey came to visit you. He was so happy to see you. I know you two will forever have a bond. He is your savior. Today your visitors were Erin, Aunt Janine, Caeron, Brittany, Meme, Grandpa Ron, Unlce Mitch, Nannas friends Kerri, Kayla, and Kathy, nanna Anne and nanny. Aunt Joanne and Oscar, Carol, Lauren. You have so many peopl who love you and who are pulling for you. Oh yeah, pastor Eddie came today and prayed with us and I know that it helped. I am going to try and sleep, it's 10:35 pm. If I cant sleep I will write some more. I LOVE you....okayso I can't sleep and I really don't know what time it is sitting here thinking about the day this all happened. You had just learned how to plug your nose and jump in the deep end. With Joey you were so proud of yourself you had the biggest smile. You looked as if you couldn't believe you did it. It made me chuckle. You always make me chuckle. You are on of a kind, that's for sure. I want you so badly to just open your eyes and look at me. I miss you so so so much. I want you to know I am sorry for not protecting you from this. And I promise when you get better that I will never ever leave your side again. I LOVE you, and so does daddy and all your brothers. We miss you, night night-

Mommy xxoo

Skipping to today

Today is April 26,2009 and it is 2:09 PM. I want to go ahead and skip to today, if you don't mind. We can talk about what happened on the 23rd of April, later.

The nurse woke me up at 1:45am in the morning. That is because his eyes were opening. Her name is nurse Jill. She woke me up to tell me his eyes had opened, and I guess I shouldn't tell you that I slapped Joe to wake him up, but I did. We held his hands and began talking to him for about an hour until about 2:45 in the morning.

Wait, let's backtrack. I want to talk about what the doctor told me yesterday. She said that the chances of him recovering are very low, actually that he WILL NOT recover at all, but he will be ALIVE. That he will be alive but will be a living vegetable... and "he will never be your baby again and when he opens his eyes he will not see you, wont recognise you, he may never walk again, may never talk again, and he will need a tracheotomy" (told us his gag reflex was not working and the mucus could drown him therefore the tracheotomy will clear it out). She had horrible bedside manor and pretty much told Joe and I that our son Devyn will never recover.

Back to today, back to 2:45 AM. At this point, nurse Jill thinks that he was HEARING us, but that his eyes were only opening because of nerve reaction. The eyes were fluttering more than open. She then placed her hand on his belly and told him that everything was okay. His eyes then popped wide open and he followed her with his eyes. His pupils are no longer at a pin point. Throughout the day I have been holding his hands, talking to him, and singing this song that I have been singing to him since he was born. He is reacting to me. He has opened his eyes several times. It is still a critical time, and we must not stimulate him too much at this point, but I am extremely hopeful.

They are going to fit Devyn's feet today for Hightops to keep the footdrop from occurring. They are going to have to make special shoes because the hightops we bought him did not work. Joey, our 12 year old came to see him today. Joey is he one who saved Devyn's life. He pulled him out of the water. I have to stop and say that most adults wouldn't have reacted that fast. Most people would go into shock. He told us today that he is happy everyone is praising his heroism today, but that he cannot stop thinking about what actually happened. He doesn't ever want to swim again. He feels so guilty. Joe and I have told him over and over how much of a hero he is. In mass this morning, they pulled him up and everyone praised him for how heroic he is. I can only hope and pray that he gains the strength to know how heroic he really is.

Devyn is sleeping now, they no longer have him sedated, but they do have a lot of medication in him. He is still on life support, but is breathing on his own. It is giving him 8 breaths per minute, but as the 8 breaths occur, he is breathing on his own as well. Therefore, he was on life support 100% and now he is just using it as a supplement. His oxygen is also down to 21% and was at 100%. They are keeping it on him just to make sure that his blood is carrying enough oxygen throughout his body and to his brain. They said it is going to take a lot of medicine and a lot of time. Dr Riggs (the nice doctor) came in today (on his day off) and said that he is doing a lot better. He said it very clear and loud, and I believe him..

"The only one who is going to show us what he can do is him"

Today's word is Faith.

Until tonight,

Nikki (& Joe) Costanzo